Blast Away Fear
I had already written a fair bit of this post on the power of fear when I stumbled upon Raquel Vélez’s recent post on her own fears of anonymous abuse on the internet. This gave me significant pause in considering fear as a subject of discussion. This increase in abuse on the internet, especially towards women, needs to stop. The courage of those, particularly women and LGBT, who stand firm in the barrage of threats and harrassment, makes them the inspirational figures of our modern age. Now we can be the change we want to see, deliberately fostering a more compassionate and thoughtful populace through our words and actions. As Raquel quotes at the end of her post:
The standard you walk past is the standard you accept. —David Morrison, Lieutenant General in the Australian Army
And now, on with our regularly scheduled program.
Physicists will tell you the strong force is the strongest force in the universe, but I tell you that they’re wrong. It is Fear that is the single strongest and most important force.
Try this experiment. Stop reading, sit back in your chair, and close your eyes. Think about this next question for at least one minute, and as you ponder, in the back of your mind gauge your level of comfort:
What is the single deepest desire you have, that is still left undone?
Chances are you have at least one, and assuming it’s legal to do whatever it is you’re thinking, I’ll pose another question:
Why have you not done it?
If your level of discomfort grew as you thought about these questions, then the answer is that you are being blocked by fear. Yet we don’t like to think we are fearful creatures, so in order to remain internally consistent there are some easier, more congruent, answers we create for ourselves:
- I don’t have the ____. (time, skills, smarts, money, etc. Something you feel you lack intrinsically.)
- My ____ won’t let me. (husband, girlfriend, family, company, country, universe, voices in my head, etc. Some external force you feel keeps you in check.)
It’s true that there are very real social, economic, physical, and emotional barriers that we face everyday, and it’s mind-boggling how often others (who conveniently don’t share the same barriers to progress) trivialize them by putting the weight of the issue on the disadvantaged. So what can we do? Well, unless you’re extremely lucky, recognize that help is not on the way. The trick is to believe that, statistics be damned, you can do it. This attitude made possible women’s suffrage, civil rights, workplace diversity, handicapped athleticism, and anything that’s worth fighting for in this world. Look, no one’s telling you that you have to fight. But one thing is certain: it is action that makes change. You’re the only one who can make the magic happen.
Life is full of choices—will you choose to be comfortable or to be courageous?
The Roots of Fear
Modernity has eliminated much of the need for fear, and its counterpart, anxiety. Many of us have the basic human needs: food, clothing, and shelter. Some of us have creature comforts like hot and running water. A few even have medicines against disease and infection, and though the psychiatric variety has been mildly successful at medicating away discomfort (for better or worse), we will always fear loss. Fear of loss is a greater motivator for action or inaction than potential gain could hope to be, and can have many manifestations in keeping you from growth. We fear loss of:
| Social standing | Ostracism from the first human tribes was a death sentence. A drive to conform or secure power is in our genes. |
| Monetary income | Paper tickets and plastic rectangles are now strongly associated in our minds with the big three (food, clothing, shelter). |
| Comfort | Old habits, routines, and beliefs we are comfortable with, but perhaps don't serve us best anymore. |
| Sense of self |
Fear of failure, or fear of success
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| Anything at all | Fear of the unknown is based on unrealistic, imaginary measurements of how much you could possibly lose. |
I’m sure there are many others. What’s important is to recognize the existence and collective influences these things have on our real lives (and the lives of others).
Rise
In relation to the time span of the universe, no amount of prestige or years of quiet desperation will make an ounce of difference, so do what you want to do and what you believe you should do.
Ask any notably determined person how they did what they did and they’ll tell you about their battle scars; about how their failures were the most important factors in their success. You have to lose in order to win, and the bright side is that failure makes you strong. “A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor,” is that one thing you read somewhere that one time and you thought it was cool but you never paid much attention to it. Until now.
Fear only leads to more fear. The more afraid you are of something, the more it is worth doing, and repeated exposure blasts away fear. For example, if you’re shy, strike up a conversation with someone new everyday. It doesn’t matter if they blow you off. You are demonstrating to yourself that your fear doesn’t control you.
Courage is more exhilarating than fear, and in the long run it is easier! —Eleanor Roosevelt
In software design we know that everyone likes to use their apps differently—that’s why we put options and settings in—but we also know that the software needs to have sensible defaults that give each person the best chance of success right out the gate. Here are some of what I consider to be sensible defaults… I encourage you to experiment with them while blasting away your fears:
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Turn off media (TV, radio, social networks, YouTube, and the rest) for some portion of every day and be comfortable alone. Once you’re comfortable sitting with your own thoughts, that’s when you really start to take off. Write stuff down if you feel the urge, but not with the intention of sharing it.
The danger always exists that our technology will serve as a buffer between us and nature, a block between us and the deeper dimensions of our own experience. Tools and techniques ought to be an extension of consciousness, but they can just as easily be a protection from consciousness. —Rollo May, The Courage to Create, published 1975.
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Create a time management strategy that is effective for you. Prioritize the most important work and don’t forget to include destressors. The most important feature is that you’re comfortable with how you’re spending your time at any given moment. While you’re testing this out, ask yourself at random times, “Am I truly happy with how I’m spending my time right now?” That’ll be your guide.
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Take every opportunity to develop your ability to concentrate. Let focus and discipline be your anchor as you explore your creativity.
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Develop greater humility with your fellow human beings. The more you understand about others, the more you’ll understand about yourself, and vice-versa. Patience is key.
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Learn to love the learning process. School sucks—learning is awesome. Be patient with yourself and have fun.
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If you’re afraid of going past your limits, try being angry at them instead. You will feel more certain, optimistic, and in greater control. Eventually, though, you’ll want to tend toward happiness and acceptance, as developing long-term angry tendencies is not healthy for anyone.
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Immediately counter negative thoughts with a positive counter-thought. “I’m scared” becomes “I ain’t scared of nothin’ or nobody!”
Don’t hide yourself from the world. The probability that you have something unique and incredible to offer is much higher than the probability of failing every attempt. Pain and failure are the only things that afford us the opportunity to learn, and criticism is a sign of being on a successful path. Now go and do something that will surprise and delight both yourself and the rest of us. You are, and always have been, very capable!
Why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is. —Mark Twain
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